Speaking of Cars…

car in mud

Speaking of cars, some things I have observed about cars and driving. They may or may not generalize:

1. When your project owns the cars, your drivers will be happy, enthusiastic types who show real commitment to your work. When you hire contract drivers who own the cars, you get cranky hard-cases who begrudge every extra mile they drive. Of course, contract drivers are also a much better financial choice.

2. The polite thing to do is to sit in front next to the driver, unless you’re in a high threat environment. In that case, sit in back so you can both dive to safety if there’s gunfire.

3. If you’re sitting in a parked car on a hot day, the best way to keep cool is to open your door and roll up the window, to divert any breeze you get into the car.

4. How to get into an ancient Landcruiser while wearing a skirt: Stand next to the car, facing forward. Put your left foot up onto the running board, and hold the grab handle with your left hand. Step up and pivot into the car, leading with your left hip. Slide into the seat. If you need to get out at some point, you are on your own. I haven’t mastered that yet.

5. Earplugs are a nice solution to the open window = noise, closed window = stifling hot dilemma. I like the kind you squish with your fingers. Obviously, this is a bad choice if you are the driver. In that case, roll up your own window and make your passengers open theirs.

6. You can back a 4×4 surprisingly far into an open drainage ditch without breaking an axle.

Photo Credit: tjflex2
Chosen because I really hope I never have to do that with a car.

How to ride in a white SUV

1. Look sheepish, like you would never been in this huge vehicle if you weren’t forced into it by overprotective security officers.

2. Look ill. Maintain a greenish-grey visage that makes it clear that if you weren’t so terribly ill, you’d be on a local bus at this very moment.

3. Ride with someone older than you, and develop a facial expression that indicates you are just the gormless flunky riding involuntarily in the VIP car.

4. Fill your vehicle with boxes and bags, to make it clear that the SUV is hauling important equipment and you’re just along for the ride.

5. Wear your damn seatbelt. If you’re going to cruise around in a symbol of oblivious neo-imperialism you owe it to world to be safe.


(photo credit: hoyasmeg)